summer so far has been quite a rollercoaster, but it feels like i'm taking shortcuts around all the problems i encounter in every situation given to me. old experiences just seem to creep up and with all that ive been through, i cant seem to stop making the same mistakes.  i know that until the very end, i will still be in all the pain i've felt before. then again, i am not in a sober state now so i may just be talking a bunch of bull.

Bold the ones you have done

smoked a cigarette
smoked a cigar
madeout with a member of the same sex
crashed a friend's car
stolen a car
been close to love
been dumped
shoplifted
been fired
been in a fist fight
snuck out of my parent's house
had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone on a blind date
lied to a friend
had a crush on a teacher
been to Europe
skipped school
slept with a co-worker
seen someone die
had a crush on one of your LJ friends
been to Canada
been to Mexico
been on a plane
thrown up in a bar
purposely set a part of myself on fire
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
met someone in person from LJ
been moshing at a concert
been in an abusive relationship
taken painkillers
love someone or miss someone right now
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel
had a tea party
flown a kite
built a sand castle
gone puddle jumping
played dress up
jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
cheated while playing a game
been lonely
fallen asleep at work/school
used a fake id
watched the sunset
felt an earthquake
touched a snake
slept beneath the stars
been tickled
been robbed
been misunderstood
petted a reindeer/goat
won a contest
run a red light
been suspended from school
been in a car accident
had braces
felt like an outcast
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
had deja vu
danced in the moonlight
hated the way you look
witnessed a crime
pole danced
questioned your heart
been obsessed with post-it notes
squished barefoot through the mud
been lost
been to the opposite side of the country
swam in the ocean
felt like dying
cried yourself to sleep
played cops and robbers
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
sung karaoke
paid for a meal with only coins
done something you told yourself you wouldn't
made prank phone calls
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
caught a snowflake on your tongue
danced in the rain
written a letter to Santa Claus
been kissed under a mistletoe
watched the sun rise with someone you care about
blown bubbles
made a bonfire on the beach
crashed a party
gone rollerskating
had a wish come true
humped a monkey
worn pearls
jumped off a bridge
screamed penis in class
ate dog/cat food
told a complete stranger you loved them
kissed a mirror
sang in the shower
have a little black dress
had a dream that you married someone
glued your hand to something
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
kissed a fish
worn the opposite sexes clothes
been a cheerleader
sat on a roof top
screamed at the top of your lungs
done a one-handed cartwheel
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
stayed up all night
didn’t take a shower for a week
pick and ate an apple right off the tree
climbed a tree
had a tree house
are scared to watch scary movies
believe in ghosts
have more then 30 pairs of shoes
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
gone streaking
played ding-dong-ditch
played chicken
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
been told you're hot by a complete stranger
broken a bone
been easily amused
caught a fish then ate it
made porn
caught a butterfly
laughed so hard you cried
cried so hard you laughed
mooned/flashed someone
had someone moon/flash you
cheated on a test
have a Britney Spears CD
forgotten someone’s name
slept naked
French braided someone’s hair
gone skinny dippin in a pool
been threatened to be kicked out of your house
been kicked out your house   

( senior ball2005.. pictures and such.. )

for about the past week my mom and i have been going to just about all the csus around here, and we also visited santa cruz. if anything, UC santa cruz is just so damn beautiful, and if i had not known that i wanted to become a nurse, for sure id be attending gorgeous santa cruz. but with all the long and tiring last minute visits for colleges, ive decided on san francisco state and that ill be dorming over there as well.

from the day i can remember, i was always so worked up on moving back down south for colleges or just moving out of the house. yet, a few days ago my dad calls me over and he starts talking to me about how he knew that i wanted to go to SF and how he knew my mom was pushing UCSC on me, but i should go wherever i want and he'd support me through all of it. after the little talk i had with him, i felt an emptiness that ive never really ever felt with my parents. it just hit me that ill be leaving the comforts of home, and never did i think i would miss home, in fact i didnt i think id be missing anything about home. i guess it comes to show that everyone is really growing up. it feels almost too serial for me to grasp that ill be leaving, and though its just an hour and a half away, ill still be sleeping, eating, and living in a completely different atmosphere. i guess in a way, i feel a bit selfish. selfish for leaving home when i have a sister to look after, parents, especially mom, who really does not want me to leave and who keeps on trying to persuade me to go somewhere closer. the only thing im pretty damn sure of , is that if im in a different environment, ill be a bit more motivated to try, and the fact i know my parents will be and have always been working their asses me and my sisters, i REALLY hope to  god that i will leave SF state successful, fulfilled with nursing, and able to help support my parents and finally get my dad to retire and finally just relax at home. id also buy him an RV so him and my mom can travel wherever the heck they want. thats my wish, a wish i know i can make true if i am to apply myself for once. 

esther has already posted this picture up, but i couldnt help but post this up as well cause it's so damn cute.. its a picture of us when we were little ones; me in the center , esther on the left, garrett on the top left, wade on the top right, and little emi on the bottom right. back in the days this is when we were all growing up together in orange county.

i miss being a kid.

ahh spring break went by super fast. i went down to SOCAL with my greatest friends, (carolyn leslie erica) and stayed in irvine at my grandmas apartment. (i miss her oh so very much) honestly the trip was such a blast. not once over there were there things for any of us to worry about too much, besides the lack of time. it's pretty damn amazing how much 4 girls can do in a matter of 2 full days, cause went down on monday then left on wednesday . just an overview of what we did... here it goes.

monday we left to socal in the morning arrived around the evening at irvine. during the trip down we visited cal poly. i thought it was a pretty nice campus, a lot of white kids, and a bunch of hot white guys. damnn. haha anyways that was only half way down to irvine, and with a crapload of traffic we got to irvine pretty late but managed to still pay a visit to UCI. ive gotta say it sucked that i didnt have any film on the beginning of the way down, but crossing santa barbara was so incredibly beautiful and so cute with the palm trees in between the freeway.  heres a couple of ( monday pictures )

i guess i havent posted in here about the many things that have been going on throughout this oh-so-truant girls life. well to start off, getting transferred to kennedy hasnt helped one bit at all. i am so fucking infamous with the damn administrators for my damn truancies and whatever that follows. im not denying the fact that i brought all the negative things upon me, but hey if i didnt learn from the first or second conference, i gotta learn from the third right? and i am. it hit me hard. watching my mom plead for me the second time was a sight that made me ache so bad inside. and the fact that fucking principal made assumptions that i am a  disrespectful daughter towards my mom, yet she does not know anything about how much i care for my mom. but the highlight of the whole conference had to be getting yelled at from my principal because i added a damn "whatever" to her damn name. that mother fucking british bitch is fucking mad cause she has her own damn issues at home. i swear my theory of old cranky bitches are true.. (but youd have to ask me what my theory was then.) whatever dudes and dudettes. hopefully all goes well, ill show them with my perfect attendence from now till the end of high school. damn. this sucks.
and ill end off with some semi-old and more recent pictures just for kicks.

( hit this shit. )